Blindness

Yesterday I had a long discussion with another blind person about the proliferation of 'do gooders' who believe they should speak on behalf of all disabled people. Her suggestion is asking these people if they have a mandate to make decisions, the academic background to be accountable and whether they are just doing this to fill in their own time and make themselves feel important. I think it is time that someone spoke up against these people who assume they have all the knowledge and acceptance among other impaired people and realise that it is just their constant voice which overrules.

I am really enjoying Winds of Change and have been turning it on in the night as the story rounds out to a conclusion. Sally has now become Anna and in effect her whole life is a charade; children without the background they assume they have, a husband who I am beginning to suspect may know, business acumen rare in the 1860's and the feeling that someone is going to recognise her soon.

Delving into The Book of Silence has been moving. Sara Maitland has been on a journey I doubt I could undertake yet I envy her. She noted that people saw her as selfish, silence is not selfish nor is it really attainable in this busy world living in a city. One of my decisions this year was to enjoy the silence but I am beginning to recognise my idea of silence is very different from that of Sara's. For me silence is no music, no radio, not going out, dogs not barking, devoting myself to writing, reading, craft or contemplation. I cannot remove the horns, sirens, shouts and laughter. Knocks at the door negate my contemplative mood and the shrill ring of the phone or a text message involves me in the world again. I believe I can attempt some level of silence on a quiet and deserted beach but attaining this is impossible in a country surrounded by water when one does not drive. I am delving into this book in short bursts attempting to assimilate her philosophy into my life and re-inventing many of the ideas which I have now lost.

Both the dogs are aware I am going away for a few days. Packing a suitcase to attend a wedding, arranging a house sitter and neighbour, mail collecting and sorting all the paraphernalia a vision impaired person requires is tiring. Hopefully the last vestiges of the bug I had last week will have dissipated by the time of the wedding. Chocolat is always particularly worried at my impending departure, little does she know it is for a very short time.   

Creative Inspiration

Ideas for writing come at all times and in some unusual places. I write any inspiration down in a book I keep for this purpose but sometimes the spark disappears while at other times I mull over ideas for months. The story about my father's writing desk has been an off/on project for months. It will be consolidated when I attend a wedding next week as the threads of the story will weave into a whole. I will be excited to see if the conclusion is as interesting as the beginning of my quest to find the story of my father's family.

Yesterday I started reading The Book of Silence by Sara Maitland. A mixture of autobiography, philosophy, feminism, spirituality and even a little geography I am fascinated by Sara's writing style and the way she weaves all these elements effortlessly into an expose on silence. One of the decisions I made this year was to enjoy the silences of my life more often, hopefully this book will give me some guidelines as to where I have failed. I don't like a lot of noise, but I do enjoy listening to beautiful music as I read or write.

My VRS batteries went flat last night. Sally is now in the Crimea searching for her dead partner, I had forgotten that women went with their men in those days. How war has changed. Yesterday I met one of the children of Corporal Doug Grant who died fighting the Taliban while a member of the NZ SAS. What tragedy and waste war brings, children fatherless, a wife alone, family angry and bereaved. War is painful for everyone.

 

Eleanor Catton

Eleanor Catton was interviewed on the 'Sunday' programme last week. What a beautiful, interesting and unaffected woman she is despite her Man Booker win for The Luminaries. While the programme did not delve in any depth into her writing processes, inspiration other than she thought of the idea when 14, it did give us an insight into who she is. Many may have been surprised that she was only viewing the originals of the Hokitika Press for the first time, the wonders of digitising and Papers Past. Sparkling eyes, wide grin and a nice partner obviously attained while studying in the US Eleanor Catton is a writer of whom we can be very proud.


My copy of this magazine arrived in my mailbox this week. I took a subscription believing I could learn from the writing styles, variability of topic and perhaps move on to other works by the writers which would inspire and challenge my own writing. I have been very disappointed as originally I took out a digital subscription and could not read the tiny print. Ordering a hard copy I have again been frustrated at the font size. I now have several mostly unread copies of an expensive subscription which have been of little use to me. The way they are bound makes it difficult to enlarge and read them on the myReader machine so another wasted effort at attempting to remain a continuing part of the reading world. 

Lying awake stressing over my inability to visit a dying friend - no visitors allowed - yet others seem to 'be allowed' I read Winds of Change   for many hours on my VRS on Thursday night. My sudden descent into the world of cheaper fiction frightens me, yet I find these stories relaxing, appealing and full of twists and turns which some of the more staid appropriately acceptable fiction does not have. Characters become real, one wonders at their ignorance, and as Sally removes to the Crimea and war how she returns to England and finds herself in Australia keeps readers interested. 

Birthday Cakes

Today I have to deliver my mother's 100th birthday cake to the firm who are going to ice it for me. I really hope they do a good job as it is my present to Mum. Sorting out all the necessary things which need to be done to celebrate a 100th birthday is quite time consuming, particularly when Mum thinks it is her birthday every day and cannot understand why we are not picking her up. I wonder if she will even remember it.

I have just started reading Winds of Change by Lee Pattinson on my VRS. It is the story of Sally, a girl of the workhouse and early employment in a large English home who sails for Australia to escort her employer's daughter to her marriage. While I have not read very far I understand that the ship goes down and with Anna dead Sally takes on her name and marries the rich man that Anna was engaged to. I think it will be an interesting read but am unsure about the narrator who seems to be making lots of reading mistakes which have not been edited out.

 
A friend has just recommended this book which I will order from the library or purchase on Kindle soon. It sounds like my sort of book and I wish I had the courage to enjoy the silence more often. I crave the quiet of the country, anywhere in the world sometimes, but am a little afraid of packing up and having a break in the silence it invokes.

I have returned the large pile of house decorating magazines to the library and am once again attempting to read at night. As the days shorten and it is still dark at 7am and night descends by about 8pm I am still holding on to the vestiges of summer. The birds fight for the seed I put out and their noisy competition brightens my day.  

Gardens

This morning my neighbour and I visited the new garden centre which has opened near here. I think we were both disappointed about the shop given its other branch has such a wonderful high class craft centre with amazing things to purchase.

I looked at several of their garden books, cooking books and similar, but was very disappointed that much of the shop seemed to be filled with junk similar to that sold in the Warehouse.

My reading seems to have come to a halt at present. I finished The Traders Sister and have requested the next two books in the series. While these books are only romances their setting in early Western Australia makes them more interesting for a New Zealand reader. I have decided I will purchase the others for my kindle if I cannot get them in talking book format.

I have not looked on the Amazon website lately as I fear I may spend money buying books I will then not read for a while. I have 3 books on the kindle I have started and then not finished as they did not live up to my expectations. Sometimes I think we need to be more discerning as readers when looking at online reviews and decide what type of person is revieweing these books. I was unaware that my reviews are appearing online under my name in Google, I think I will stop my reviews.

So on with reading VRS magazines; North and South, Readers Digest and Consumer. This will also free up some space on the SD card. I will need to choose what I read next quite carefully as I am still undecided if I will take my VRS to Australia.     

Birthdays

Jay received his birthday present from Dio yesterday, I had wine and pavlova with a neighbour on her birthday also. Today I am going to a birthday lunch for my daughter, she is now 36, and tonight I will be attending another birthday dinner. A friend also took me out for coffee and cake to celebrate my birthday which was 3 weeks ago.

Novels I would never have imagined reading, such as the Traders Wife and the Traders Sister I am learning to enjoy. Whether they provide relaxing reading is a moot point as I tend to wake and listen to them on my VRS. Perhaps the time has come to read for more than knowledge - though these books do explore life in early Western Australia as well as shipping and Singapore. 

I am not delving into any deep reading at present, magazines of people's homes are fascinating me and I trawl through the pictures trying to get ideas for updating my home. I need a real book to lose myself in, though a Kindle would do. 

Art books are giving me a new interest as I learn some of the basic techniques for using watercolours. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would become interested in art, paints, brushes, pastels and words all together.

I two weeks time I will have to face my fears and travel to Australia. Since my last adventure which made me so ill I have been very nervous about travelling again. Although I can avoid gluten containing foods I am not sure about some of the other health issues I have. I guess this will be an experiment to see how well I cope, hopefully really great with no issues.        

Captive

Room captivated me! Several nights were spent listening to this stunning novel and I was very sad when it finished. It has brought to the surface many of my own locked in experiences such as being isolated on a farm with an angry husband and unable to escape. I have begun writing an essay linking the themes of this book with many that challenge people in life - adoption, independence, suicide, loss of love, language, child rearing and fear to name but a few.

Now I have moved on to a new talking book, which came to a sudden halt when my VRS batteries went flat in the middle of the night!

I thoroughly enjoyed The Traders Wife and think this book will be just as enjoyable. Ismay sounds like a spunky woman, one who does not get as sea sick as her brother, I hope we get to meet some of the characters from the previous book.

I have taken up 'Art Journaling' but have only been practising so far. Yesterday I read several books on watercolour painting that Jean lent me so I can learn basic techniques. Now I need to start for real and use one of the lovely books I have bought to journal in. Words and colour, very important.  

Not Sleeping

I often wonder if I could read books any quicker than the narrated versions I read on my VRS. I have turned on Room  at every opportunity after the initial half hour at bedtime. This book has touched a very raw nerve in my own life. Although I was not locked up in a shed I was imprisoned friendless, alone and psychologically abused on a farm for many years. The mystery is why did I not leave earlier - to this question I have no answer other than his control and my fear.

Jack talks about Alice in Wonderland in great depth. I also loved this book which fired my imagination and took me into a world where I could escape my mundane life. I have just taken my own copy from the cane basket where it is stored and plan to read it later today. My imagination is very stymied, as shows in my writing, perhaps Alice will unleash it.

Reading online newspapers can be very difficult when the size cannot be swiped and no one listens to complaints re this. I love keeping up with the news and find the lack of consideration for visually impaired people re this is mind blowing. Do they not realise we wish to keep up with the news regularly as do our sighted friends.

Tonight I have to attend a very sad funeral. Judy and I were interviewed the same day by Gillian Simpson for our positions at Dio and remained friends from then on. While she had her own friends outside school I found Judy so brave - a word she would hate - so inspirational, kind and positive. To die of cancer in your late 50's is so sad, what a waste of a creative passionate gardener. 

Rooms

Room is a book like no other. Words missing, childish language, the desperate fight to be free. Not only does this story impact at its basic level of the storyline it weaves into lives like mine where being threatened and trapped in a marriage can have the same effects of isolation, fear, loss of future and unreality that there is a life out there outside of the walls that have been erected around us. I am unsure how or what I will feel as the story progresses to their escape but know it is a book in the category of 'cant put down'.

   This issue of the Healthy Food Guide was very interesting and I have made several recipes from it. Those of us with coeliac disease or a severe gluten intolerance find their recipes a god-send. The latest issue arrived yesterday and while I have only glanced at it I will sit down soon with the 'why am I always tired' article. I have read many books on cooking without gluten, vegetarian cooking and others but always return to my large pile of Healthy Food Guides.  I noticed a British version when I was in Stirling in 2012 and often wish I had purchased a copy to bring home. It is a magazine to be celebrated and used until it wears out.

I need to find a book on my shelf that I have never read or want to re-read. As autumn spreads its tentacles around us I will spend more and more time immersed in a good book. My neighbour is reading Focus and really enjoying it, I might start reading the Kindle version soon.

Jay is enjoying a few days off work due to the windy weather. I took him to the supermarket this morning and he was hyped up as he always is when the weather is windy. Burying himself in the checkout operators trousers I think he sometimes believes he would be better off becoming a permanent resident of the supermarket.  

Fascinating Book

Room is absolutely fascinating. I started reading it last night on my Victor Reader and have already listened for about two hours. Nominated for many literature prizes including the Man Booker, Room is the story of Jack who lives in a single room with his mother who is being held captive by Old Nick. Jack believes the room is the whole world and anything he sees on television is not reality. Slowly his world unfurls.

Blackberry Wine became a cannot put down book and last night, waiting for the tropical cyclone to arrive, we are still waiting, I read the last 100 pages. While the ending is unexpected and the twists and turns are real and ethereal are Harris's style I still found the links and sudden twists gripping. I hope to purchase another of her books for my kindle and become as engrossed in it as I have in the last two of her books I have read. I may watch Chocolat again and enjoy the mysterious world of ghosts and misunderstandings that pervade the twists in this tale also.

Expecting to be housebound courtesy of a large cyclone I had few plans for this weekend. Now I feel opportunities have been lost due to all the fear impressed upon us by weather watchers. A little less anticipation and more practicality may be required. Now I need to go and find another book to delve into. 

Heart Issues

I visited my GP today to ascertain if my heart attack risk has increased following my brother's heart attack. She has recommended that I go in for an ECG but thinks my active lifestyle may be keeping a cardiovascular event at bay. I certainly hope so.


Inside the White House  was a very American outlook on this most famous of houses and it's last 7 incumbents. I got rather bored by the end of it, perhaps due to an NZ belief that Americans are not as important as they think they are either politically or in terms of world domination. We see them as interfering in events that are none of their business, a bit like a school bully.

I am now reading an older issue of North and South  magazine, an issue devoted to education in New Zealand. I have read this wonderful publication for many years, thankfully it is now taped for those of us who can no longer read the print issue. I do feel it is somewhat arrogant of the reader to decide what we may be interested in hearing, they definitely fail to tape the interesting tit bits and shorter articles.  

Laptops

I have a very fair Scottish skin. This has already meant the removal of a melanoma and other basal cell cancers. Yesterday I visited a skin specialist for an 'all over' check but she spent more time talking about Jay than me. While I did have an examination I hope she did really check properly as she thought Jay was the best patient she had ever had! Who was the patient!


Inside the White House  is proving to be insightful but very Americanised, quite naturally. Their expectations of their politicians is quite different from ours and perhaps this may even be the basis for their shenanigins. Intelligence seems to be lacking in all the last seven incumbents of the White House, one wonders at the level of puppetry involved. Power corrupts and corruption extends the power. Even the children living there do not seem immune. I wonder what history will reveal of the Obamas, particularly the children.

   
I love home decorating magazines. While they are costly and involve vicarious peeping into other people's homes I am finding that borrowing them from the library is a far more cost effective method of reading them. I learn ways of using colour, how to make the most of an old chair and how those rich and famous live in such comfortable homes. I do not enjoy those sterile minimalistic interiors, hence the pleasure I receive from an hour or so of perusing free magazines.

Jay was 5 yesterday, it is time I wrote a story about him. His birthday passed quietly, although he had to work in an area of town I had not visited with him before. I love him so much, he is my soul and beautiful companion.    

Scotland

My brother must be improving as he is now telling me what I need to do to avoid also having heart problems. I am just so happy he is improving and should be able to go home by the end of the week. I hope he really does make some lifestyle changes as I guess his wife represents what his lifestyle has been - fat and lazy!

Blackberry Wine is proving to be a fascinating book to read. Time changes are not a problem and I have come to accept the mysterious and supernatural feel of the book. Perhaps I should have been more aware of the links with Chocolat, but some of her other writing does not have this link to the other world. 
  
I purchased this book in the gift shop at Culloden in 2012. It is an anthology of poets born or living in the Scottish Isles. In many instances the left page is in Gaelic while the right has the poem printed in English. I am very fond of Meg Bateman's poetry, it sings to my soul and makes me cry. While it may seem unusual for a New Zealander to be so moved by the poetry of Scotland, this country is my second home. I am more Scottish than a lot of Scots due to the blood coursing through my veins. I read several of these poems a week and my heart is stilled at their beauty.

I am so thankful my dogs are well again. They are now an integral part of my exercise regime to avoid a heart attack. I try and take one out each day, sometimes both. I want to live to be very old and annoy my children intensely.   

Heart Attack

My brother had a heart attack on Thursday. He had been feeling unwell for a few days but was working in Wellington. Waking in a sweat with pain in his arms and a constricted chest he amazingly took time to ring his wife, shower and dress and then drive himself to the hospital. Arriving at 8.30am he was in theatre by 9am, still in his clothes having angioplasty and a stent inserted. The time he wasted put him at extra risk and he is very lucky to be alive. I hope this is enough of a wake up call to make him look at his lifestyle. It has certainly given me a huge fright.

Seagulls in the Attic is a lighthearted look at the lifestyle of incomers to Cornwall. Tessa left a high powered position with the Bodyshop and became a postie in rural Cornwall. I loved Cornwall and would like to return one day, the tiny seaside villages, country buses and the lack of a pirate in Penzance make it all the more alluring. I am looking forward to reading the last book in her series.


I started reading this book on my VRS this morning. By Ronald Kessler, it explores the hidden lives of the last 7 Presidents of the United States. While offering us an inside view of the day to day workings of the mansion, it exposes scandal, sexual dalliances, misconduct, cover-ups and the belief that these President's acted as monarchs rather than public servants.

I am considering upgrading my computer. When I am proofreading assignments my computer keeps crashing, whitening out, or losing all the track changes I have done. While this is expensive I may need to realise that technology has moved on from what I am using, the 2003 version of MS Office.

Christchurch

Christchurch is once again in crisis. Flooding has overwhelmed the already devastated suburbs in the city and people who were just beginning to recover from the earthquakes are plunged into despair, personal as well as practical. Unrepaired water piping is absorbing much of the blame but no New Zealander should have to endure such stress and loss.


This is a book I read at least once a year. Susan Hill, who writes mostly novels, novellas and short stories decided to spend a year reading books she owned. Her only deviation was when sent books to review. Susan discovered many books she had forgotten she owned, bought and never read or enjoyed and never re-read. It is a fascinating journey through childhood and academic reading as well as those books she holds close as providing pleasure and escape. Past conversations, meetings and life changing events are all included in this wonderful exploration of a writer's bookshelves.

Reading has become a some-time activity this week. Other things have interceded such as proofreading a student thesis proposal, tutoring Pacific Island students, trying to write the life memoir of a distantly remembered cousin and attempting to relax after a stressful few weeks. Perhaps I should read Howards End is on the  Landing again soon, I so enjoy all Susan Hill's books. 

Amazing

I waited all morning for my student to turn up for a 10.00am appointment. He decided something else was more important and finally arrived at 2pm just before my other visitors arrived. Perhaps I am learning that punctuality and making a good impression are not high on the list for Solomon Islanders. No wonder they have political and personal tensions in their country.

My other visitors, Janine and her new husband Greg were lovely and stayed much longer than expected. Janine seems happy with my suggestions and we shared lots of personal information quite freely. Not sure how such a lovely woman emanated from this family but was also very sad to hear that Michelle and Andrew now have motor neurone disease. This has devestated their whole family; grandmother, father, sister - who else is going to be killed by this insidious disease. 

Blackberry Wine  is becoming a must read now. The print is almost too small for my failing eyes but as long as I read small amounts at a time I think I will battle my way through. Joanna Harris has just published a new book, this should be a good Kindle purchase. I do wonder what the clinking of Joe's wine bottles in Jay's luggage means, I suspect that this will be revealed as the Chateau is fixed and becomes more livable for Jay to write and work in.

I need to return to my writing, things get left and looked over when I fail to write a little each day. My story of Nora is growing as I absorb snippets from a variety of sources and include them in my writing. I also need to begin a new piece, plus finish the piece about my father's writing desk with the story of Lisa's wedding.

My dogs seem much improved. Their coats are gleaming, eyes bright, weight returning. My suspicions are that they were carrying a worm not killed by the normal means and this overwhelmed them both. Chocolat is full of energy, love and has certainly enjoyed returning to sleeping on my bed. Licks each morning convey her delight at having spent the night in my company.

Visitors

Yesterday I saw my grandson for the first time in about 12 months. They live 20 minutes away but never visit. I don't know why - no one ever tells me what the reason for ostracising me is so I can do nothing about it or explain that it is their problem not mine. My life is full and interesting but I do find it sad the children are missing out on knowing about their families.

I have delved a little deeper into Blackberry Wine  by Joanna Harris and am beginning to understand the mysteries behind the story. I often find time switches difficult but in this case it makes the story flow. The wine seems to follow Jay everywhere, perhaps it is the name of the main character that makes it a book worth reading.

Seagulls in the Attic is a fun, lighthearted book that I am enjoying on my VRS, but not one I would keep waking up to listen to. Tessa's adventures in Cornwall are worth hearing and the people, while obviously insular, are wonderful to hear about. Tiny things can give much amusement and also cause much strife, aka the story of the snake, not real, dropped under her feet in a local store.

I am expecting more visitors today. Initially a student, then later a cousin I have not seen for many years. That will be an interesting visit. Unsure how she will take my proposition, her response may be very telling. 

Procrastination

Writing is such a solitary occupation - I spend a large amount of time being my own best friend and perhaps from this point of view I have chosen the wrong creative pursuits. I always manage to find something else to do yet when I actually start writing I love it. I have many ideas but tend to start and then decide I cannot follow this through. I need to write for the sake of writing, because I love writing, because I cannot not write. Writing is a slow and laborious process but the research and love of words make it my first love. I need to spend so much more time on my first love!

I started reading the above book on my VRS this morning while puffing away on my exercycle. This is the second of Tessa Hainsworth's books. I loved Cornwall, particularly Penzance, unfortunately there were no pirates there when I visited in 2007. Tessa's descriptions of her life as a postie and the challenges of frugal living are both humorous and challenging. It would have been so easy for the family to return to London, where that wonderful friend of hers lives. I am sure I will enjoy this book and its sequel, Up With the Larks. 

Book collecting has always fascinated me. I would love to be wealthy enough to collect interesting books, rare editions, children's books, travel books and those which hold a special place in my heart. Many books have been written about book collecting, some fascinating, others totally boring. What will happen to this pastime in the days of e-readers, Kindle apps and the decline of the modern bookshop. Perhaps it will be sidelined in favour of how many books one can fit on a Kindle, or the demise of the home library. Who knows, but in my time I am sure the rich and well heeled will continue this important investment.